My Only Dance
by chrystaline
Summary: COMPLETE: Severus Snape loved her so much he would live a life of horror just for her memory. Snippets from Hogwarts days, Lily's engagement and Death and Afterlife. Three-shot.
1. Bliss

The lights dimmed and soft music played. The boisterous laughter calmed. The broad smiles softened. Slowly, two by two, students took to the dance floor, twirling and moving in tandem. Above, the ceiling of the Great Hall shimmered with a thousand stars that were scattered around a slender crescent moon.

In a dark corner, a single lone boy skulked. His eyes were dark and swam with longing and anger as he watched a tall, dark-haired boy invite a pretty, red-headed girl onto the dance floor. They traced her every move as she danced, her expression happy and content. They raked over her velvety red dress and lingered on her eyes.

God, those eyes. Suddenly, they turned towards him and locked onto his. The eye contact stole his breath away, and his heart raced. Even from a distance, they were suddenly the only things he could see. He felt every emotion he saw in those soft green orbs. The same tingly feeling he felt when he first saw her that night caused his pale skin to flush.

For a second, the smile on a face faltered. A sudden, unfathomable emotion flickered in her eyes. She smiled uncertainly as she muttered something to her partner. Her partner's expression stiffened as he replied. Sudden anger flashed in her eyes as they narrowed. Her partner's frown immediately became a smile as he nodded. Breaking free from her, he glared at the boy at the corner who stared back defiantly, his eyes cold.

"Severus," came a voice and he jumped as a hand gripped his. She had come to look for him.

"Lily, weren't you dancing with Potter?" he exclaimed, as his obsidian eyes widened in surprise. She smiled gently and led him to the edge of the dance floor.

"Do you want to dance?" she asked.

"Ye-No," he replied, both startled and on the alert as he scanned the crowd for his fellow Slytherins. He was going to get hexed if he consented to dance with a Gryffindor. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Too bad. You have to. You owe me that much," she said determinedly. Without waiting for his response, she dragged him into the very centre of the floor.

"Let me be your last dance," she whispered as she pulled him closer to her. Severus felt his breath steal away yet again as he felt her hand on her shoulder. His hand snaked to her waist as he inhaled the sharp scent of her hair. A jolt of adrenaline coursed through him and he smiled.

"My last dance," he agreed softly. He lost himself for the rest of the night in her eyes, never realizing that they shone with a radiance that was not there when she was dancing with Potter.

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Severus was on his knees as he clutched the single white lily he had bought from a muggle florist. Tears of sadness and regret coursed down his face. Lily, his precious Lily, was getting married to that arrogant, dung-for-brains James Potter. She was going to take blasted Potter's surname, bear his kids and look after his house.

"My last dance," he muttered, as he placed the lily in a glass case and froze it with a spell. It had a strange, haunting beauty whilst frozen, glittering strangely with ice crystals.

"Lily Evans, you're my only dance."

With that, he left the room.


	2. Hatred

Snow drifted gently to earth, coating the ground with a seemingly impenetrable layer. Erratic footsteps marred the perfect sheet, tumbling and stumbling over one another. It was as if the perpetrator had dragged himself unwillingly up the garden path. The beginnings of dawn tinged the velvet sky like cotton candy on a dark azure tablecloth. Birds chased each other in playful companionship before landing deftly on the sparse branches of bare trees.

The door creaked open on rusty hinges. Severus stumbled in, favouring his left as he listed like a capsizing ship. He was given a warm welcome by the silhouettes, physical and more, that roamed his childhood home of Spinners' End. Waving them away with an impatient mental swipe, he flicked his wand with shaking hands. An innocent mahogany bookcase swung open on well-oiled hinges. He staggered up the stairs, his left hand gripping the handrails while his right summoned various vials of coloured potion. They floated out of the store cupboard and followed behind him, forming an eerie entourage of animated bottles.

He limped into the bathroom as they formed a perfectly straight line before him. Grimacing as he lowered the toilet lid, he perched himself gingerly on the plastic surface. He winched as he reached unsteadily for the vials, downing each one in consecutive order. With each potion, his waxy hue gained a bit more colour and his breathing, which was coming in hard and violent gasps, eased up. After finally swallowing the last vial of thick liquid, he sighed in relief and slumped back, cold porcelain biting into his back. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes and ran a tired hand down his face.

He couldn't do it anymore. He traced the cracks on the cement walls with his eyes. Why, **why** didn't he have the courage to ask Lily out that night? He mulled it over in his head as his eyes flickered to the mirror that was above the sink. He took in his appearance; greasy limp hair, hooked nose and tired, troubled onyx eyes. He remembered looking into the mirror a long time ago and seeing different. He wondered briefly what Lily had thought of him when they first met at the muggle playground but chased the thought out of his mind.

_You are not thinking about Lily_, he ordered himself resolutely as he got up and glared at his reflection in the mirror. _You were such a fool, such a stupid, moronic dunderhead. _His knuckled were as white as the porcelain beneath it.

"That was all it took, wasn't it, Severus," he spat at his reflection as his eyes grew flinty, his face screwed up in rage. "You spend half your time grovelling at the feet of that monster just because you lost her to perfect Potter," his voice hitched as his throat clogged with emotion. "You have no right to think about her," he continued in a deadly low voice. "I will not allow the darkness that has overcome your mind to pollute her memory!"

With a swipe of his hand, the potion vials that were lined innocently behind him flew across the room and shattered against the wall. Anger radiated off his being as he sneered at his own reflection.

"I hate you!" he yelled and in that split second, he was seventeen again, snarling at his own reflection in that very bathroom. "You could have won her over yet you didn't even try!" He glared at himself with an unhealthy amount of self-loathing. "You wouldn't have had to torture for that mad man. You wouldn't have had to **be** tortured by that sadistic bastard. You wouldn't have become a spy for this stupid war. You could have had a family. Harry could have been **yours**! Why didn't you do it? **Why**!" He drew a deep shuddering breath as he stood himself straight. Tremors wracked his frame as tears fell unbidden from eyes that were fiery with rage.

"It's because you were always a coward," he whispered. "**Always**."

Raising a clenched fist, he lunged forwards, shattering the mirror in a violent explosion of glass. The pieces fell like sped-up confetti and landed in a scattering of white dust on the floor. Blood dripped from his hand, contaminating the clean white tiles with the darkness within. A gut-wrenching sob ripped from his throat as he collapsed to his knees.

Outside, the birds sang.

**A/N: I took down Mirrors and put it up as the second chapter of My Only Dance after some minor editions. This is going to be a three-shot with the final chapter coming soon. I hope you enjoy it (:**


	3. Release

**Notes: A different death scene, an OOC Harry. I only own the order of the words.**

The noises of a lull in the battle reached Severus as slowly, sound ceased to make sense. Fire churned through him and blood spurted and dribbled from the deep gash in his neck. He could feel the poison from the large snake coursing through him and yet, he could see that light. The beautiful light that the suffering yearn for every day of their miserable existence.

It was green.

Crisp green, familiar green, the beautiful apple green that reminded him of the eyes of his precious Lily. His darling… His love…

"Lily," he rasped. "Lily." His dark eyes widened for a moment, life sparked in those dead orbs for the first time since he last set eyes on his Lily. The fire was quenched, became a pile of smouldering embers. The uncomfortable flow of poison ceased to exist. He was in bliss. He had so much to tell her, so much to apologize for. Would she give him the chance? Would she-

"Professor?"

Severus jerked. The fire blazed and built up into a frenzied inferno. The poison seared through his veins like liquid lead. He groaned and spasmed as the pain swept through him without heed. He sucked in a labored breath and closed his eyes.

"Professor!"

He felt hands on the bleeding wound at his neck and flinched. Hands that were checking him over. Hands that were the exact size and shape of Lily's. His eyes flew open. Lily, it had to be Lily!

"You're gonna be alright, Professor." Worried. Distressed. Potter's voice.

Severus was suddenly tired. He was tired of his life, his miserable existence. He didn't even care that it was the Potter brat that was helping him. He wasn't all Potter. Not really.

"Lily," he gurgled as blood rose up his throat and dribbled from the corner of his lips. The prospect of being 'alright' was suddenly too much for him. He wanted to fulfill his final job and go to sleep forever. To dream of his sweet Lily. To finally have her in his arms. Potter seemed to realise this.

"No, no, no… Professor, it's Harry. You have to fight, c'mon. Fight for it. I'll stop being an insufferable brat. I'll listen to everything you say. I'll get out of your way. Please don't die, Professor." Urgent. Encouraging.

The light was coming closer. He could make out shapes in the blinding brilliance. He could feel peace envelope him. Was this heaven? No, he didn't deserve it… Not for all the horrors he had seen and done. Not for his tainted soul who had toyed with evil. He struggled with the light and it faded slightly.

"Harry, there's nothing you can do." A softer voice, less desperate, higher in pitch. Granger.

"No! There must be a way!"

Severus didn't want Potter fighting for him. Not when the fates of all those that were still living hung in the balance. Why was Potter caring anyway? The pain flared again, causing him to jerk in tune with the pulsing agony.

"Professor!"

He had to do his final job. This final job would clear him of his guilt… This final job. The final job. Just like Albus promised. He missed them so much, Lily and Albus. His mentors, his only friends. He'll see them again. A small smile touched his lips.

"Take it."

The memories came and he relived each one the final time as they left him. They seeped out of every facial orifice in silvery smooth liquid. It was release, blessed release. His guilt vanished, drained out of him. He took a deep shuddering breath.

"Professor! Don't…"

Sounds were fading. The light was becoming brighter and brighter. He was moving forward slowly and was blinded by the pure white light. Anticipation flooded his soul, it vibrated with an echo of something deep within him. He was free, finally free…

The light parted. A lone figure stood on the horizon, waving at him. Severus felt his happiness soar. He forgot all negative feelings, forgot how they felt. He only knew one thing. Lily was there and Lily was waiting for him. He urged to speed up and he shot off.

_Lily!_

"_Hello, Severus."_

He landed deftly before her. Her soft red hair tickled his face as she pulled him into a fierce hug.

_I missed you._

"_I missed you too, my friend."_

_Friend?_

A small worm of discontent worked its way into his heart. Friend?

"_The very best."_

Friend. To her, he was only a friend. The very best but a friend nonetheless. He pulled back from her hug and gazed into her eyes. Her eyes were as green as ever, sparkling with life in death. He scrutinized her features, every single one.

Then he walked away.

"_Sev!" _

Her voice… Oh, her voice…

_James is waiting for you. _

He thought he might die again. He turned around again and faced her. She was drifting nearer but Severus was forcing them apart. Tears ran down his face, tears that would forever run in the place he wanted so much to be apart of.

_I love you, Lily. I have always loved you. _

Without waiting for a response, he turned away.


End file.
